do this in memory of me.

About a week ago I was traveling and I visited a church with a friend. It was communion sunday, and after the band led the congregation in a few songs, a man came up on the "stage" and said a few words about what communion meant to him. He used the analogy of a Thanksgiving dinner where family all come and gather around the table because they love each other and they are celebrating. I thought that this analogy was a great image to paint especially considering the season and the general feelings of unity and community that the image of Thanksgiving dinner brings to mind for most Americans. After this really nice explanation, he let the congregation know that communion was to be received at the various stations around the church.

The band continued to play as people got up one-by-one to walk to the back of the church. I didn't even notice that it was time to receive communion until my friend got up. I followed her and got in line. Something just didn't seem right though. In fact, many things didn't seems right. I watched as people came away from the table. They were carrying what looked like little shot glasses of grape juice and pellets of bread. I've gone to church most of my life, but I had new eyes to see this particular Sunday that the celebration of communion in today's churches is lacking. How could is the Church of today reflecting the community of faith I read about in the Bible?

The first celebration of communion was Jesus' breaking of bread and sharing wine with his disciples on the night that he was betrayed. When I read the passage of the Bible in the book of Luke where Jesus and the disciples celebrate the Passover meal, it seems to me shockingly different than the way we today, as the Church, celebrate communion. We have reduced it to an impersonal, sterile, individualized ritual that poorly reflects the meal it is designed to remind us of. Jesus washed the disciples feet (humbled himself before them and invited them into a deeper friendship with him). Jesus assured Peter, "Unless I wash you, Peter, you can have no part in me." The meal that they shared served as a symbol and a milestone for what was to come. The celebration at the Last Supper vividly showed the humble servant that Jesus was - so much so that it made Peter uncomfortable. It was an interpersonal celebration. It was a communal celebration.

Halfway down the isle, I turned and walked back to my seat. I just couldn't do it. Tears flooding out of my eyes, I sat back down and prayed. For that church. For the Church. In repentance for how I have allowed myself to celebrate communion while not knowing my brothers and sisters around me. How communion for me has become more about me and Jesus and less about washing the feet of those around me. I repent of how I so easily forget the humble, interpersonal savior that I share with the Church around me and how I often don't make room in my life to celebrate with them what he has done for us.

smoothing the stones, an introduction

Last spring I was walking along the beach in Summerland with a dear friend. It had been a really difficult week - spiritually, academically, emotionally - and I needed a good friend to walk and pray with. The sound of the water and our quiet prayers soothed my turbulent emotions. How good it is to have dear friends to walk beside us when the day is messy and confusing! In a moment of silence, I felt an almost uncontrollable urge to pick up stones off the shore. So I did. Five of them. One for each of my friends that I was praying for. Then, the most beautiful thing happened. I heard a voice speak deep into my heart saying, "I will make you like these stones. Once they were jagged and rough, but because of the constant waves washing over them, they are smooth. They reflect the transformative power of the waves. So you five will be a reflection of Me." And then an intoxicating feeling of peace and thankfulness flooded my insides.

I chose "smoothing the stones" as the title for my blog because it is a significant and defining moment for me and because I hope to live out the experience in my life. I believe that I will. And I hope that this space for writing will allow me to further explore thoughts and feelings I have and to allow them to be smoothed. To allow them to be tranformed to reflect the beauty of God. I have quite a few rough edges that still need smoothing. In fact, it is my hope that I do not let my own insecure fear of disapproval keep me from writing truth when it might be risky. Frederich Buechener said, "If the truth is worth telling, it is worth making a fool of yourself to tell." May I make a fool of myself here before I skirt the truth.

If you are reading this blog, I hope that it blesses you, perhaps challenges you, and, most of all, brings you into conversation with me about what I have written. I believe that true transformation in the world depends on small, interpersonal conversations and people entering into those conversations with a willingness to be transformed. If anyone reads this, may your words transform me as you respond to my writing.