I've been having one of those "WHAT THE HECK DID I DO?!!!" sort of weeks in regards to moving to Portland and choosing to go to PSU (Portland State University). It seems that in every way possible I am not in Texas, at Westmont, or (this may be a bit too honest or raw for some people ) getting things my way. This is a good experience, but it is not without difficulty and struggle. I chose this place because it was not like Westmont or Texas. I wanted something new. I still do.
But I think that sometimes even though we think we want diverse experiences or adventure or "something new", we still need some fabric of familiarity from which to grab. Amidst downtown parking meters, campus safety after my night class, disorganized academic institutions, classmates saturated in relativity and new-age thinking, and no familiar faces, I am thankful for the newness of it all. I'm thankful that it is not easy. Struggle is a catalyst for many good things.
And things in my home are ever evolving and challenging me. God knows exactly where we need to be stretched and exactly where we need support and encouragement. That's a comfort.
But back to the conversation about desiring "something new" . . . as I said in an earlier blog, there is a lot of idealism that commonly saturates starting over. It is not that we become someone new, more able to deal with life's challenges. Rather, we find ourselves in a new set of challenges. And it is this new set of challenges that requires a new approach to journeying through the struggles and challenges of that stage of life. And I think that there is something of freedom and control to have chosen to change the circumstance and then to have to adapt to a change that you made. It is much more difficult to adapt to the change when it is someone else's choice to change the situation. But that's another lesson...That one I am gradually learning about as well.
The moral of the story is ...well there is no real conclusion to this blog...I'm just rambling...
does anyone relate?
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4 comments:
Everyone keeps asking me two questions. 1. How long will you be in California. and 2. Are you excited?
And my answers are unequivocally the same.
1. I really do not know. I'm going to graduate and then see what happens. (Which inevitably causes people to act like I'm a. a moron or b. a saint with lots of faith.)
2. I am excited as ever and absolutely freaking out. Because this is the first thing I've ever done without a friend right next to me, taking the same risk.
And so, Dom, as I (attempt to) pack and wade through the myriad of Cali health insurance options, and wonder why I didn't save more for this move, I'm feeling a lot of your what-did-I-do questions, too.
So I'm drinking good tea and about to go for a run. miss you
[postscript]
I wrote that ridiculous b. answer to #1 (the "oh! you have so much faith!" one) because it is ridiculous. I feel like my faith is smaller than it ever has been, but I'm needing to make this move for my own health.
I like it when you post your bloggy thoughts.
nelly,
Sometimes I feel that when I blog I am only writing to myself...and I am in a sort of metaphoric sense...but in a literal sense it's nice to get your comments!
and, more than that, it is so nice to have a fellow journey-er in this crazy place of transition.
i'm so thankful for you, my dear friend!
miss you too.
I can surely help you with the blog stuff. It's a lot easier than it looks. Just shoot me and email and tell me what you want and I an walk you through it.
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