current address

Hey friends!

I have been blogging at another address for a few months, but I was scared that the mean virus-posting device would continue to try to sabotage my sacred blogging space, so I didn't post the address here. But now I'm ready to take the risk and post it.

I hope you will join me at

SmoothingTheStones[dot]wordpress[dot]com

BLOG is moving

Hey friends!

Good news: I am still blogging...and I'm in the process of creating a new, more user-friendly, better looking, more comprehensive blog page...

GET EXCITED!

I will post the site on here in the next week, so check back in!

Evil tricksters trying to sabotage my blog!

To all those who peruse my blog, please use caution when reading the comments that others post. My blog has been littered with links that contain viruses. Users whom I do not know have been posting comments. They usually say something like "click here" or "see here" and when you open the link it automatically starts downloading some suspicious somethings onto your hard drive. Not cool, eh?

Here's what you need to know:
1. IT IS COMPLETELY SAFE TO READ MY BLOG. There are no viruses on my blog page.
2. I try to catch these tricksters as soon as possible. I delete their comments with rapid speed. There is very little time between when they post their comment and when I delete it.
3. Use caution when opening links on anyone's page. If you do not know the person who is posting a link, do not open it.
4. If you have a Mac, this really doesn't apply to you because you are really cool like me and you have a system that those viruses don't know how to take down. (Yay for Mac people!)

5. Finally, and this is to the evil tricksters that are trying to poison my blog space:

DO NOT PUT YOUR FILTHY VIRUS-LADEN LINKS ON MY BLOG.
It is rude and conniving and just plain mean. You know who you are. Stop it. What's the big idea? Why can't everyone just play nice? C'mon people!

That said, I have to say that if you have posted viruses on my blog, I am working on forgiving you. Please stop attacking my blog and you'll make it a little easier.

BEACHES!!! ....I'm dreaming of beaches...

I'm in finals week right now. I have a lot of work to do for my European Union class. One problem: I repeatedly find myself losing focus on the European Union and how it is contributing to world peace. Where is my focus going? I'll tell you. BEACHES.

I want to go to the beach.


A WARM BEACH.



I miss palm trees.

And warm sand. There's a enormous difference between cold sand and warm sand. I miss the warm, dry sand and how it feels under my feet.

...Well, now that I'm thinking about it I kind of miss the wet, muddy sand too. You know, the kind that gets in between your toes. . . It can be found right at the edge of where the tide comes up. You stand at the tide's edge, just close enough to where the ocean comes up over the top of your feet, maybe it gets your ankles too, and when the water receeds, you can feel the gooey sand under your feet rushing back out to the ocean with the fast-moving water. I adore that feeling.


This morning I even put on my swimsuits before got dressed to go to our Evergreen gathering! I think I was conviced that it would make me feel a little more connected to the beach. It just made me realize how much I look like a Pacific Northwesterner - I'm so pale!!! :) I don't think that we Italians were meant to have this little exposure to the sun. It doesn't look good on us. The Mediterranean people - Greeks, Italians, Portuguese, etc. - we just look better when we have gotten a little bit of sun. All of my friends of Northern European descent look great pale. Not me. And my dark-skinned friends, well they just look great all year long!

Ok, enough dreaming about soaking up sunshine...now back to the European Union...

I'm inviting you into the conversation - about conflict, that is!

Hey there friends,

Over the past few weeks, I have come to realize that I do a very poor job at letting the fascinating things I'm studying trickle over into the rest of my life. I'm learning some pretty amazing things. It doesn't do anyone much good if I take in all the fantastic things I'm being exposed to and keep them for myself. So, I'm going to try to make an effort to blog more about Conflict Resolution and Peace Studies. You are invited to the conversation. Get your conversation bubbles ready!
AND, I'm going to try to post more photos. I think that they make my blog pretty. Don't you?

My Work: These Numbers Have Faces

What's new with me?
Well, one of the most significant changes in my life has been joining the team of people who work for a non-profit called These Numbers Have Faces.



Why am I so excited?
There are several reasons:
1. We work in post-apartheid South Africa. I am learning a lot about South Africa as I'm pursuing a Masters in Conflict Resolution and Peace Studies. I have a great admiration for all that the Rainbow Nation has overcome, AND I recognize that the country has a long way to go before blacks in South Africa are truly free.
2. I'm passionate about social change in post-conflict areas. There is a lot of "cleaning up" to do after a society has been ravaged with violent conflict. In the case of South Africa, nearly ninety percent of the resources are still in the hands of about ten percent of the people. This means that the resources available for black South Africans are not always adequate for them to meet their basic needs. Resources are even more lacking for those with the ambition to earn a college degree.
3. TNHF is based on individual relationships and partnerships. The idea is that we are friends with the people with whom we partner. We work on small-scale projects. Our work is deep rather than broad. Our partnership works to provide a small group of youth in the township of Gugulethu with AIDS education, mentoring, character development, sports training, and educational resources. We know these kids.
4. Even though TNHF has only been established for a little over a year, a lot of great things are happening! TNHF's partnership in South Africa is with a high school-age soccer team called JL Zwane Football Club. The team has had a great season, and they are being cared for and mentored by Coach Eric. The MOST exciting part for me has been that our first student, Anda Sozawe, has graduated from high school, gotten accepted into college, and is now in his first term at Northlink College in South Africa. Anda is studying Sports Management at Northlink and hopes to return to his home community of Gugulethu better equipped to mentor other future leaders through soccer.

This photo was taken of Anda while he was practicing.

5. I'm going to South Africa this summer! Yeah, that's right. I'm going to Capetown this summer with TNHF. We will check in with JL Zwane FC and Coach Eric to reassess what comes next. I might explore some opportunities to bring young South African women into TNHF. :)

I just started working with TNHF, but I'd appreciate your prayers and encouragement for what lies ahead for me and for us. Check out the website. It might get you excited too!

its ok to be extraordinary...in fact, it is worship

I have a bad habit. Well, the truth is that I probably have a lot of bad habits. One that I have become aware of lately is that I think that I have a fear of being extraordinary. What I mean is that there are times that I realize that God has made me very special and wonderful and he is changing and growing my heart in beautiful ways. The unfortunate thing is that often I want to downplay the ways in which God is doing a great thing in me. SI mislabel it 'humility'. I don't want to seem too extraordinary to others and when I am blown away by the good work God is doing in my inner being, I shy away from celebrating it.

I spent this past weekend gathering with a group of women who have quickly become some of my heroes. We gathered together because we all share a relationship with Jesus and a desire to come alongside others in our faith communities to lead them in the way of Jesus...whatever that means in each of our contexts. I found that it looks profoundly different from woman to woman and from community to community. The retreat/conference was called Convergence. It was encouraging.

The women who surrounded me at Convergence were extraordinary. There is something indescribably alluring about women who celebrate the ways in which God's image is manifested in them. I found that although the women who attended represented a wide spectrum of backgrounds, appearances, and interests, so many of them had a sort of glow that comes from being yourself and being treasured for it.

Let me just say that I am thankful and proud to be a woman!

I found myself feeling treasured. I felt an appreciation for being me. And I realized that I am extraordinary, in my own way. And acknowledging that I am extraordinary does not mean that I'm not humble. Rather, the acknowledgment is celebration of how extraordinary God's love is. He chooses to take silly and ordinary people like me. And he does things. Within us. And that makes us extraordinary.

I turn twenty-four tomorrow. I'm ready. I want to begin living my life in a way that celebrates how wonderful it is to be myself. When I downplay the beautiful things that God is doing in me, I am taking away from an opportunity to worship him.

This is my hope: Twenty-four will be about thanking God for how he has made me, trusting that he made me the way I am for specific reasons and that I will be able to love others in unique ways as a result. I think that the twenty-four year-old Dominique will be courageously obedient to the person she is becoming, despite how much she might want to blend in with others.

I'm ready to be extraordinarily and courageously true to the person God has made me. May God be glorified.

public attention to this "great awakening"

There is an interesting little op-ed article that I read in the NY Times. In the article, the author draws special attention to how evangelicals are caring for the poor and oppressed. He calls them "Evangelicals A Liberal Can Love" - which is funny to me because although I understand the seemingly great divide that exists between people who stringently adhere to the labels "evangelical" or "liberal" I feel like I flirt with both evangelicalism and liberalism [for different reasons].

I think that following Jesus in some ways has less to do with political categorizations and more to do with critically thinking about how, as followers of Jesus, we are to engage with the world in which God has placed us. Jim Wallis is coming out with a new book called, "The Great Awakening." The book discusses trends with an emerging generation of Christians and how [they/we] are taking the teachings of Jesus in practical light and doing remarkably creative things in order to serve and care for the poor. I'm looking forward to reading it.

If you can, read the NY Times article and let me know what you think. It is brief. I found it refreshing to read an article by an author from "the American coasts" (more liberal-minded, like my neighbors here in Portland) who is trying to build a conversation of sorts between these often opposing religio-political camps.

Check it out. Enjoy. :)

Temporarily In Need of A [Fake] Husband.

I am in no hurry to get married, but every now and again, I get in situations where I realize how useful a husband would be. I have a fun-filled and satisfying single life, so these occasions are rare. Nonetheless, being married has its advantages over being single in some situations.

More specifically, yesterday I went to have my car looked at. Let's face it. Car dealerships and auto mechanics treat women differently than they do men. They treat men better than they do women. And, as we know, I am a woman.

In January, when I returned to Portland, the radio in my car had stopped working. I turn it on and can change the radio channels, but the volume won't go up or down and the CD player is unresponsive. When I took my car in to get an estimate, they asked me to sign a paper saying that they would charge me $100 to examine it. I paused and asked the man behind the counter if the fee was nonnegotiable. He then dropped the fee to $50, explaining that it probably wouldn't take an entire hour to check it out, so they would charge me half. (Initially, I was proud of myself having knocked off half the price. I later found out that my male friends get these sort of estimates for free.)

After waiting over an hour in the waiting room, I went back into the office to see about my car. They assured me that they would know details soon and asked me to continue waiting. Keep in mind that they are just checking on the radio. After about twenty minutes of waiting by the service desks, the man finally came out to talk to me. My radio was broken. When I asked questions, he said that he did not know the answers to my questions. Ten minutes later, he returned with a sheet, a bill, detailing what it would cost to replace the radio. In it, I was given no options for upgrades, used radios, or recommendations.

I have to admit, I felt very alone. Was I asking the right questions? Was I receiving the answers that I deserved? I felt very grown up in a way that I kind of resent. How am I supposed to know what to do with my car if my mechanic, who I trust to diagnose the problem, will not fill me in on all the significant information. I think that one has choices in how to replace a car radio. And I think that I should also be educated by my mechanic on exactly what he has found after AN HOUR of examining the radio.

I decided to get some more opinions. I'm not even sure if it is indeed my radio that is broken. When I think about the symptoms, it seems to me that instead it is my speakers that need to be replaced. Mostly, I wish I knew how to find out more information. I wish I knew a good honest person who knows about these things and can diagnose my car. I wish that I had a fake husband so that when I go into situations like these, I will have an advocate of the preferred gender. And I wish that I lived in a world where one gender did not receive preferred treatment over another.

For now, I'm driving around town with no radio. I think that the silence is good for me. I'm not ready to fix the radio. It is too exhausting. Maybe a good fake husband will come along in the meantime. One that likes silent car rides.

Remedies for S.A.D. days

Part of life here in the lovely Pacific Northwest, especially here in the valley, is the soggy, gray days. The climate is such that on days when it is sunny, Oregon is gloriously beautiful. However, when the soggy days go on, one after another, one begins to forget how beautiful Portland is and how it looked when the sun was out. After a beautiful sunny day, a couple of gray and wet days are not too hard to bear. When three or four - or even ten - soggy days happen in a row, one's temperament tends to be affected. Some people even develop Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.). It is a real fact of life here. My dad seemed to be concerned about it when I visited Texas in December.

January has turned out to be a bit more soggy than my previous months in Portland. So, I've decided to take on preventative measures. There will be no S.A.D. days for me, if I can help it. In order to prevent the onset of S.A.D. I have developed a few of my own remedies to ensure that I'm getting my quota of S.A.D.-defeating joyfulness each day. Here they are:

1. Eating lots of hot soup. I have been collecting soup recipes and making lots of new soups. Maybe it is true what they say about chicken soup.
2. Cooking great meals. Delicious food adds greatly to contentedness.
3. Spending quality time with friends.
4. Meeting new friends. There is something about meeting new people that adds a nice amount of unpredictability to my day, and I just get a kick out of some of the really quirky people I meet.
5. Prayer and quiet time to consider the important things and people.
7. Working out! My body's circulation is stimulated and my heart rate goes up and it feels great!
8. Eating oranges in the shower.
9. Looking for ways to bless and serve others. This does much to add joy to each day!
10. Laughing.
11. Taking advantage of every opportunity to enjoy the days when the sun does come out. Go for a walk, or, if it is too cold, sit by the window. Take a mental note of how beautiful everything looks in the sunshine.

So, I spend my January (and now February) days eating tasty soups, laughing with my new acquaintances, and eating oranges in the shower. Oh, and I think that my new galloshes (or "rain boots" as they call them here) help counter the S.A.D. as well. Aren't they incredible? For now, I think I have this S.A.D. thing beat. I am sure with the coming seasons that I might discover some other great secrets to Northwest winters - something else I am looking forward to.

An Orange in the Shower

A few weeks ago my friend, Gregory, enthusiastically shared with me one of his quirky and beloved pastimes: eating an orange in the shower.

His eyes opened wide with child-like exuberance as he explained the process to me. I sort-of giggled inside as he spoke, but I was curious enough to try it out for myself.

On your way to the shower, grab an orange and take it with you. Set it on the side of the tub as you lather, rinse, repeat. When you are nearly done with your shower and the steam has filled the bathroom, the time has come. Enter, Orange!

When you break open the peel, the heat of the shower releases the natural oils in the rind and the entire bathroom is filled with the scent of fresh orange. While rinsing all the suds out of your hair and off of your body, you begin to peel the orange. The peel can be thrown on the floor of the bathtub – making a mess is part of the fun!


When you first bite into the first crescent, the refreshing contrast between your body heat and the cold juice of the orange delights the tongue. In the shower, the flavor and juiciness of the orange is full and satisfying in a way that one cannot compare when eating an orange in any other place. According to Gregory, “A bad orange is a good orange in the shower, and a good orange is phenomenal!”

I have started eating an orange in the shower every few days, and, I must say, it has made showering even better! I think that everyone should try it at least once.

A few things I have learned about oranges in the shower:
1. Small bathrooms with low ceilings (like the one in my apartment) are most hospitable to oranges in the shower because they corral the steam into a close space.

2. Small oranges work best because otherwise one stands in the shower for a bit too long peeling and eating.

3. If one forgets to clean the peel from the shower immediately afterward, the bathroom begins to smell like a compost pile.

4. Stocking oranges in one’s shower seems good in theory, but is bad in practice. A bad orange is a good orange in the shower, but a moldy orange is still disgusting and should not be eaten. Eeeew!

writing and meeting

I went to a party last night at the home of a very talented writer. I was a little hesitant o go to the party, worrying that I would not know very many people. Yesterday morning, I got a call from one of my friends who was throwing the party. He called just to make sure that I'd be there. His kind phone call reined me into their plans.

So I went. The writer was a very pleasant host with a beautifully decorated and inviting home. I was hesitant to talk to him. I think I was a wee bit intimidated by being new to the group and not knowing him well. Also, I was a bit overwhelmed, wanting to get to know him as the person that he is, aside from the writer that many know him to be. He has an unassuming but attractive air about him, and I did not find him intimidating at all once he began to talk to me. In fact, I found it very easy to be myself around him.

When he found me searching for something in his apartment, he quickly came to my assistance and showed me where I could leave my coat and scarf for the evening. Leading me into his bedroom, he pushed a wrinkly pile of clean laundry to one side of his bed and, taking my coat, laid it down on the other side. I liked him more for having a dishevled pile of unfolded laundry in full view. He was in the middle of opening a bottle of wine, but as we walked back to the kitchen, he seemed uninterested in continuing to open it. We walked into the living room and then he began asking me a few questions about myself. Before I knew it, we had entered into a very enjoyable conversation about our Texan backgrounds, our appreciation for the neighborhood he lives in (my favorite one in Portland!), and assorted topics related to church and women and culture and personal vocation.

It wasn't an intense conversation, but the topics weren't light. Admittedly, I was quite taken aback with how easily we conversed and ten minutes must have passed before I became aware that it was the writer I admire that I was conversing with. I found myself really appreciating the man I was getting to know, coincidently also the man behind the artfully juxtaposed words. In a way, I wished that he were two men and that I could befriend only the man I was conversing with, ignoring the well-known writer. I wondered if he sometimes desires this as well. If I were him, I might tire easily of being known as the talented writer and miss being known apart from that part of my life. While we were talking, however, it occurred to me that one of the reasons why the man in front of me was so pleasant in conversation was his proficiency as a writer.

I left the house last night marinating on questions he asked me in our little ten minute aside. They were great questions. It is a fantastic thing to talk about something which you are tired of talking about and because the person with whom you are talking thinks uniquely about things, the tiresome subject now somehow seems intriguing and perplexing and has a new depth to it. Great writers ask great questions. Great question askers are great conversationalists.

And so, I have renewed vigor as a life-long student of writing. I see anew the value in asking unique and daring questions. Why not?

And I have a new friend in my favorite Portland neighborhood. I'm thrilled! Perhaps his skill in asking great questions and telling artfully constructed stories will wear off on me.

I think Solomon was onto something.

I've been reading the One Year Bible. In my case, however, it is more like the "Two Year Bible." I began on January 1, 2006, and I am currently reading the entry for July 22nd. Let us not forget, however, that the tortoise beat out the hare in the old fable by La Fontaine . . . I'm taking inspiration from that little guy. Slow digestion of the Bible has its benefits. :)

I have a special attachment to 1st and 2nd Samuel. When I read them in the early fall, I was overjoyed to return to fascinating narratives of these dynamic men. As of late, I have been reading 2nd Chronicles in the Old Testament and Romans in the New Testament. Until recently, I had never read the two Chronicles. Much to my surprise (and my delight!), they retell the stories of David and Solomon!

Yesterday, I read the passage where David gives the kingdom over to Solomon. Solomon receives a mighty kingdom - an immense amount of land, tremendous riches - and he rules over hundreds of thousands of people. Furthermore, he is the leader of God's chosen people. In the passage, God appears to Solomon. Solomon has pleased God, and he lets Solomon ask anything that he wants and God tells him he will give it to him. (Can you imagine!) Solomon, thankful for all that he has and overwhelmed with the responsibility that he faces, asks God for wisdom that he might rule Israel with godly wisdom.

What struck me when I was reading this passage is that I too am like Solomon. I have been entrusted with a lot. I am overwhelmed with the bountiful blessings God has bestowed upon me. I have been given not only plentiful material possessions, but I am also receiving a great education and have a lot of friends and peers that I encounter each day. Like Solomon, each of us has a sphere of influence. When he took account of all that he had been given, Solomon responded with thankfulness, humility, and a recognition of his shortcomings. He recognized that in his abundance he was in need.

It is true that when we have, we need. I have much, therefore, I am in need of God to humble me and make me wise. It would be a waste for Solomon to have all that he had and to lack wisdom in what to do with his kingdom.

the blog lives!... OR... an update of the last few weeks

Good news: My blog is not dead! I have taken a brief sejour from blogging, yes, but I am back again!

It has been an intense last few weeks. I had a pleasant time in Texas with family. I left Portland on Dec. 11th and returned to Texas for the first time since I moved. It was a great time with family. I feel like I had been holding my breath for the past few weeks in Portland (between moving apartments, writing papers, and some little bitty personal dramas)...and when I got to Texas, I just let my breath out. And slept. And slept. And watched way too much TV. It was luxurious. I had been really going hard and holding things together pretty well, but I just needed to let my guard down a bit and spend some quality time with family. My mother is such a restful presence in my life. She is refreshing to be around and I miss her dearly when I'm in Portland.

Time with my family began with a short trip to Lynchburg, VA. My step sister is a senior at a performing arts high school, where she performed the part of the Sugar Plum Fairy for Tschaikovsky's The Nutcraker. The performances were magical. The town of Lynchburg was less than magical. It bore signs of severe economic depression over the past few decades. You could tell that it was once a thriving railroad stop and small town. In addition, one cannot help but be struck by the very visible signs of a history heavy with racial oppression and division. The class difference between blacks and whites was shockingly rigid. Many of the places we ate at were patronized only by white townsters. All the high profile jobs seemed to be taken by whites whereas all the low-paying service jobs were done by black townsters. Racism is alive and well in America. And not just in Lynchburg. It is easy to stand in my white, upperclass shoes and be oblivious to how prevalent racial oppression is. We have come far, yes. Let us not forget, however, that we have a long, long way to go before we are free of racial oppression.

We returned to Dallas for a bit for some pre-Christmas shopping craziness. Jesus, save us from what has become of your birthday! It is so difficult to remember what exactly we are celebrating amidst all the gift-giving madness. It was a confusing Christmas.

Daniella and I took a brief trip to San Antonio to visit our dad and stepmom. I LOVE being in their house at Christmas. It really feels like home at Christmas time. They have a lovely house, but it truly feels like a home at Christmastime. We were blessed to be able to spend some time there, celebrating a very italian Christmas with my papa.

Returning to Dallas, we could finally relax a bit and not travel for a week or so. I was relieved and finally unpacked a suitcase. :) It felt good.

Some thoughts I've been having:
I think that your twenties are a time to learn about setting boundaries in your relationships. I am constantly learning about boundaries I have put up in my relationships that need to come down, and I also learn constantly about boundaries which I currently do not have which I need to develop so that I don't get walked all over and used.

Kids grow up way too fast. I am one of them.

What ever happened to dating? Is it too much to say "I'd like to take you out" instead of "We should hang out."? Call it mere sematics, but it makes a huge difference and shows a lot of maturity to be able to actually ask someone out. C'mon guys. Be clear. (Do any of you gals know what I'm talking about?)

Portland and Dallas really could not have more different American cultures. I am constantly in culture adjustment going back and forth being in relationships with Portlanders and Texans. Most of the time I love the challenge of jumping back and forth. I also grow more and more thankful for this new home I've made in Portland. It is a fitting place for me. It is a grand town with lovely people. And tall trees. Yessss!

I just finished reading Khaled Hosseini's two bestselling books (1. 'The Kite Runner' and 2. 'A Thousand Splendid Suns'). I have not had so much fun reading in a long time. The novels are heavy, to be sure, but I have been deeply blessed from journeying through the stories of men and women in Afghanistan through the artistically unique point of view Hosseini provides. I highly recommend picking up these books. And, PLEASE read the book before you see the movie. Trust me, you will be better for it.

I think I'm going to go back to Europe in a few months. At last! More on that later.

love is...

I want to share another quote that came up in class the other day. The topic of that day's class was "love." In an effort to define "love" my prof shared a bit of writing from a book called 'All About Love' (I think that it is by Bell-Hooks.).

What do you think of this definition of love? Keep in mind this is a definition given at my enormous liberal state university. Pretty interesting...

Love is..
"..The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or anothers [appropriate] spiritual growth."

I added the word "appropriate" because I think that we can get into trouble when we assume that love looks similarly for all people. Also, the definition is not exclusively Christian, which makes it interesting. Are we talking about spiritual growth toward whatever god that person esteems or does "spiritual growth" in this case necessarily mean encouraging someone toward a thriving communion with Jesus?

I have been stewing over this lately..
What do you think? leave a comment if you'd like. :)

some thoughts I've been having

I haven't been blogging as much lately for a few reasons. One reason is that my thoughts are in so many different places, it would be difficult to write a cohesive blog. Another reason is that I have been incredibly busy and blogging has not been much of a priority. However, who is to say that I have to write a cohesive blog?

Some thoughts I have been having:

---I need to make an effort to slow down. How did I allow myself to get so busy? I am realizing that I am a bit too optimistic about how much I can handle. I have a great deal of faith in my ability to do a thousand things at once. To be sure, I'm good at it...BUT I'm not sure that it is good for me. There's the catch. I'm great at multi-taskin. However, I think that often my multitasking skills are keeping me from the important parts of this journey with Jesus, namely meditation, silence, prayer, rest, and the ability to be available to bless others spontaneously. I think that multi-tasking is a great skill, but I have allowed it to be so much a part of how I function that I forget the importance of rest, silence, and stillness. I have a hunch that I'm not the only one who lives like this...

---I'm so blessed and so priveleged. I have choices. Choices are a result of privilege. I have decided to move out of my house and to relocate across town. Moving to Portland has been a great experience overall. However, living 30 min from school, 45 min from family, and 35 min from good friends, and 35 min from church has been taxing. I don't have enough good music in my car to make the distance worthwhile. (I'm kidding)...But really, I'm thankful that I have the ability to choose to change my situation. I'm thankful that I have the option of moving closer to school, friend, family, and church (essentially my community). I'm also incredibly blessed in that I have good friends and I have only been living in Portland for a few months. My honorary family, as well, lives here in Portland and has taken me in for the holidays (and cooked an INCREDIBLE meal!) and that feels great. Yesterday, on Thanksgiving morning, we started the day with a game of football, played Rummikub as a family, watched Miracle on 34th street (the old black and white version, which makes me feel all cozy), and ate a delicious meal! Football, games, old movies, great food and great people - it was my kind of holiday! :)

---Sometimes I take myself a bit too seriously. I have been trying to loosen up a bit and enjoy myself a little more, instead of worrying or being so caught up in "shoulds" and "coulds"....I'm trying to enjoy a bit more spontanaeity, adventure, rest, and craziness! It has been fun. I'm also playing a lot more. I played Wii for the first time the other day. I lost (barely) at boxing and tennis, but I came back and trampled my buddy in bowlng. I think that I'm a better virtual bowler than I am in reality. Now I just need to go bowling a bit more and remember all the skills that I'm learning on Wii.... haha.


Other thoughts...
-Its not as much fun to be a Mavericks fan when I don't live in Dallas. I miss watching the games with the fam...
-The weather really does affect my mood. I'm especially thankful for sunshine these days. I got pretty spoiled in Santa Barbara and even in Dallas since the sun shines so much there.
-Regularly traveling is a healthy thing for me. It helps me to appreciate where I live and engages a part of my soul that I really enjoy. I went to Seattle last weekend. I had a fabulous time with my friend, BrennA (http://brealrosey.blogspot.com/). We ate some incredible food, walked all over downtown and along the waterfront, explored the market, and went to see Ben Harper in concert. It was a delightful way to spend two days, and when I came home I appreciated Portland even more. It made me extra thankful for Portland and I was able to retrieve a freshness in the way that I see my life here.
-I have been thiking about this funny thing we call "dating." I am realizing that I compartmentalize this part of my life. I'm either totally unaware that I'm a 23 year-old single female, or I'm very aware of it. It is like a switch or a dual personality. I don't just let things be what they are. I compartmentalize everything. Perhaps it is a professional thing or a control thing, but I just have no fluidity with this area of my life. Here I am calling it an "area of my life"...do you see what I mean? It may not always be helpful to corner off my romantic life and keep it contained from the rest of my life until I'm ready to engage it. Life is life. Sometimes it involves romance and dating and sometimes it doesn't....but we can't completely control that and that's alright. Sometimes things just are.
-I also think that because I just wrote the above that some of my friends are now tempted to call me and ask if there is anyone new in my life. That makes me smile and chuckle.
-I have been much more open lately to not knowing what lies ahead for me in the future. I'm a lot more contented to enjoy the present and see what happens. I don't need to figure out what exactly I want to do with my Masters degree right now...I've only been in grad school for a couple of months...there is still time and I am interested and capable of a lot of things. No need to worry or stress. Just enjoy the education. :)


Those were a lot of thoughts. What are your thoughts as you read this?

Forgiveness

A quote that was brought up in one of my classes today:

"Forgivness is letting someone into your heart that you wouldn't necessarily let into your home."

Do you belive there is some truth to this?
Have you ever had to forgive in this way?

Sometimes perhaps we choose to forgive even when it would be unwise to enter back into relationship with someone. We do not invite them back into our lives, but we do forgive the past and wish them a pleasant fulture to the best of our ability.

Something I'm marinating on. I would be interested to know what other people think....

these are a few of my favorite things

A quick list of some of my favorite experiences over the last couple of weeks:

1. Watching the world series with Christine and Gregory, while drinking a "Hot Tamale" (Beer with REAL chili peppers in it! Sssss!!!!)

2. Planning an imaginary world-traveling caravan of CR Master's Students with my new PSU friends, Dimitri and Mindy. Dimitri believes that it will actually happen. Mindy and I contend that we will only go on this caravan if in fact it travels on camelback through North Africa... In all seriousness, thinking about returning to "far away" and seeing new sights in exotic places is bewitching. Sometimes I refuse to let my thoughts go there.

3. Playing in the autumn leaves with Christine! Autumn is the season of the year I cherish most.

4. Celebrating Brandi's birthday with crepes and a movie. I had a crepe with feta, field greens, basil pesto, tomato, and mozzarella! Yummmm.... If I can't be in France, it's the best way to go! We saw 'Dan in Real Life' and I think I laughed from the first line to the last. The characters were hilarious.

5. David Crowder/Phil wickham concert! The Crystal Ballroom is the kind of venue that I appreciate most. It has an antique feel from the bubble-shaped lights around the windows. Plus, the ballroom floor, which is on the second story, bounces up and down!

6. Visiting the Evergreen community last weekend. It felt like home in a refreshing way, and yet was very particularly Portland. I want to get to know them better. I think they are the group of people I've been looking for.

7. Learning to appreciate both the soggy days and the sunny days. Seeing sunsets for a few days has been invigorating. I have had a difficult time not seeing the sun or the moon for a couple of weeks. I rather enjoy the rain...just not every day. I suppose I'm not an Oregonian yet. Perhaps someday I will feel differently.

Half of what?

In the morning as I am pouring myself a cup of coffee, as my thoughts begin to become cohesive, I mix in a little creamer to make my coffe facy and yummy. Over the last week or so, in the middle of this process I ask myself this question: How is it possible that Half and Half be fat free? I thought "half and half" meant half cream, half milk... am I wrong here? This is the great mystery of my mornings...

[Have you seen it in the grocery store or used it? Did it only recently come on the market?]

This morning, I checked the label. "Ingredients: Nonfat milk, milk*, corn syrup solids, artificial color**, sugar, dipotassium phosphate, sodium citrate, mono and diglycerides*, carageenan, natural and artifical flavors, vitamin A palmitate.

*Adds a trivial amount of fat

**An ingreadient not normally found in half and half."

Hmmm....all of those -ates and -ides. and-- artificial colors are kinda strange. Its kind of like those Olean chips that came out a few years ago. Everyone was excited that the chips had less fat or something...then they read the label and realized that they contained bizarre ingredients with unfortunate side effects. Maybe we want our good ole reliable fat back again...

As I am reading the label, since I have not yet consumed said coffee, my brain is not able to figure out deep mysteries of the universe such as these, and I sort of grunt, return the half and half to the fridge and finish cooking my egg and toast. MMMMmmmmm....

There is beauty in this: responding to disappointment with humitily and grace

I forgot my best friend, Kate's, birthday last week. Have you ever done that? It feels awful. In this case, however, there were some surprises and delights.

I had been in the middle of a very stressful conflict with someone else in my life. In need of her support and honest criticism, I called my dear friend, Kate, several times during the week. We had some conversations that were deeply beneficial to me in understanding how to respond to this particular person in a gracious and appropriate way. On Friday (my friend's birthday) I was driving alone through rush hour traffic, felt overwhelmed with the conflict, and knew that I needed a friend in that moment. I called Kate and we talked for a few minutes, but she was running out the door. The next day, when I called to finish our conversation, I asked her what she had done the night before. "Some people took me out for ice cream because yesterday was my birthday."

It felt like my breath had been knocked out of my chest. I had no words.

I hope that I never forget how she responded. What a woman she is! [Gentlemen, she's single!]

She told me that it did not matter that I had not remembered her birthday. I, of course, thought she was full of it, and protested. But, she said, the greatest present a friend can receive is to know that she is truly considered a friend. When I was in need, when I needed someone whom I could trust and whom I knew truly cared for me and knew me, it was her. And besides, she said, she had practically forgotten my birthdays for the past 2 years (I know...it's something we will both try to work on).

What struck me about this was what she did not say, and how well I knew that she meant what she did say. In the context of our relationship, her birthday was about my needs on that day. Birthdays are a huge deal in my family, and I was, in a way, brought up to expect them to be all about me. I am still trying to detox myself from extravagant birthday expectations now that I am in my twenties. I think Kate grew up much the same way. Still, we have an unstated understanding that were the situation reversed, I would gladly spend my birthday on the phone with her if she needed me.

The sacrifice and selflessness required of a deep and true friendship is a beautiful thing. What a beautiful friend I have! and what a beautiful friendship we share that she can confidently know that I love her based on all the ways we care for one another every other day of the year.

I hope to remember the humility and selflessness with which Kate saw this situation. There will be future disappointments of this kind in my life and I want to reflect the kind of godliness and beauty that Kate does when my turn comes up. I tend to have HUGE expectations for just about everything and then I get disappointed. I think that how we deal with disappointment tells a lot about our character. It's easy to act like a big baby when we are disappointed. When we are disappointed, I think it is necessary to back up and examine the broader picture of what is going on. Kate knew that last friday was not only her birthday, but that it was a tough day for me. I'm thankful that I have good examples of what it means to respond to disappointment with character and perspective. Now I don't really have an excuse for acting like a baby when I'm disappointed. :) Thanks Kate! haha.