What did I do?

I've been having one of those "WHAT THE HECK DID I DO?!!!" sort of weeks in regards to moving to Portland and choosing to go to PSU (Portland State University). It seems that in every way possible I am not in Texas, at Westmont, or (this may be a bit too honest or raw for some people ) getting things my way. This is a good experience, but it is not without difficulty and struggle. I chose this place because it was not like Westmont or Texas. I wanted something new. I still do.


But I think that sometimes even though we think we want diverse experiences or adventure or "something new", we still need some fabric of familiarity from which to grab. Amidst downtown parking meters, campus safety after my night class, disorganized academic institutions, classmates saturated in relativity and new-age thinking, and no familiar faces, I am thankful for the newness of it all. I'm thankful that it is not easy. Struggle is a catalyst for many good things.

And things in my home are ever evolving and challenging me. God knows exactly where we need to be stretched and exactly where we need support and encouragement. That's a comfort.

But back to the conversation about desiring "something new" . . . as I said in an earlier blog, there is a lot of idealism that commonly saturates starting over. It is not that we become someone new, more able to deal with life's challenges. Rather, we find ourselves in a new set of challenges. And it is this new set of challenges that requires a new approach to journeying through the struggles and challenges of that stage of life. And I think that there is something of freedom and control to have chosen to change the circumstance and then to have to adapt to a change that you made. It is much more difficult to adapt to the change when it is someone else's choice to change the situation. But that's another lesson...That one I am gradually learning about as well.

The moral of the story is ...well there is no real conclusion to this blog...I'm just rambling...

does anyone relate?

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portland, here I come!

September 4th is rapidly approaching. That day will mark the beginning of the Portland chapter of my life. I've changed my "location" online to Portland (I suppose I have "moved" in virtual space) but I have not yet physically relocated to Portland! Tuesday September 4th.

I've been packing a lot of boxes as of late. Packing boxes and choosing which furniture to take have been my daily acticities. My mom has given me a ton of furniture and miscellaneous items for the move. I cannot believe how much God has been providing for me in this move through my family's generosity. I had been pretty much taking everything she was passing my way, until I realized just how much stuff I had agreed to take. It occurred to me yesterday that I really don't want to clutter my future life with a ton of things that I don't need. My room in my mom's house is full of things that have memories, but I don't know what exactly I need them for...

I really want to have a lot less clutter in my future life. Less things mean less maintenance! It is just so easy to cling on to all the little things. Interestingly enough, a lot of what I've been studying as I've read the Bible this week has been specifically on eternity and perspective.

"What does it profit a woman to gain the whole world and forfeit her soul?" (Mark 8:36, paraphrase)

Thomas a'Kempis said "Use temporal things for their proper uses, but make things of eternity the object of your deisre."

As lovely as the stuff I'm getting is, and as grateful as I am to receive it, I feel a definite weariness in accumulating tons of things...especially if I am feeling a desperate need to simplify and de-clutter my life. The thought of moving into my house in Portland with tons of clutter and never having a place for things and just having junk explode out of drawers and from under the bed - what a night mare! I get a bit queesy just thinking about it.

And besides that, the really interesting thing is that as much as I like the "pretty things," the more I get to know this incredible and loving Jesus, the more I have a slight sense of the insignificance of all these beautiful things around me. They are incredible, and I am humbled by the generosity of my family...and yet I keep my distance.

It is easy for me to acquire things without really taking an inventory of whether or not they would truly be useful and beneficial to me. Isn't this age and culture I live in just so crazy and swimming in riches that I'm spending my time thinking about these things? My head is spinning with the realization that I even have these choices. What a small, wealthy corner of this HUGE world I live in that my life consists of these kinds of choices.

And yet...these little choices are intricately connected to having an eternal perspective and to worship. They are both significant and insignificant at the same time. For me, however, it can be difficult to hold the two realities together. But I guess that's why He's God and I am not. I guess that's why He still has me here, plodding along toward heaven.


Anyway, those are the musings of a girl steeped in packing...