its ok to be extraordinary...in fact, it is worship

I have a bad habit. Well, the truth is that I probably have a lot of bad habits. One that I have become aware of lately is that I think that I have a fear of being extraordinary. What I mean is that there are times that I realize that God has made me very special and wonderful and he is changing and growing my heart in beautiful ways. The unfortunate thing is that often I want to downplay the ways in which God is doing a great thing in me. SI mislabel it 'humility'. I don't want to seem too extraordinary to others and when I am blown away by the good work God is doing in my inner being, I shy away from celebrating it.

I spent this past weekend gathering with a group of women who have quickly become some of my heroes. We gathered together because we all share a relationship with Jesus and a desire to come alongside others in our faith communities to lead them in the way of Jesus...whatever that means in each of our contexts. I found that it looks profoundly different from woman to woman and from community to community. The retreat/conference was called Convergence. It was encouraging.

The women who surrounded me at Convergence were extraordinary. There is something indescribably alluring about women who celebrate the ways in which God's image is manifested in them. I found that although the women who attended represented a wide spectrum of backgrounds, appearances, and interests, so many of them had a sort of glow that comes from being yourself and being treasured for it.

Let me just say that I am thankful and proud to be a woman!

I found myself feeling treasured. I felt an appreciation for being me. And I realized that I am extraordinary, in my own way. And acknowledging that I am extraordinary does not mean that I'm not humble. Rather, the acknowledgment is celebration of how extraordinary God's love is. He chooses to take silly and ordinary people like me. And he does things. Within us. And that makes us extraordinary.

I turn twenty-four tomorrow. I'm ready. I want to begin living my life in a way that celebrates how wonderful it is to be myself. When I downplay the beautiful things that God is doing in me, I am taking away from an opportunity to worship him.

This is my hope: Twenty-four will be about thanking God for how he has made me, trusting that he made me the way I am for specific reasons and that I will be able to love others in unique ways as a result. I think that the twenty-four year-old Dominique will be courageously obedient to the person she is becoming, despite how much she might want to blend in with others.

I'm ready to be extraordinarily and courageously true to the person God has made me. May God be glorified.

love is...

I want to share another quote that came up in class the other day. The topic of that day's class was "love." In an effort to define "love" my prof shared a bit of writing from a book called 'All About Love' (I think that it is by Bell-Hooks.).

What do you think of this definition of love? Keep in mind this is a definition given at my enormous liberal state university. Pretty interesting...

Love is..
"..The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or anothers [appropriate] spiritual growth."

I added the word "appropriate" because I think that we can get into trouble when we assume that love looks similarly for all people. Also, the definition is not exclusively Christian, which makes it interesting. Are we talking about spiritual growth toward whatever god that person esteems or does "spiritual growth" in this case necessarily mean encouraging someone toward a thriving communion with Jesus?

I have been stewing over this lately..
What do you think? leave a comment if you'd like. :)

some thoughts I've been having

I haven't been blogging as much lately for a few reasons. One reason is that my thoughts are in so many different places, it would be difficult to write a cohesive blog. Another reason is that I have been incredibly busy and blogging has not been much of a priority. However, who is to say that I have to write a cohesive blog?

Some thoughts I have been having:

---I need to make an effort to slow down. How did I allow myself to get so busy? I am realizing that I am a bit too optimistic about how much I can handle. I have a great deal of faith in my ability to do a thousand things at once. To be sure, I'm good at it...BUT I'm not sure that it is good for me. There's the catch. I'm great at multi-taskin. However, I think that often my multitasking skills are keeping me from the important parts of this journey with Jesus, namely meditation, silence, prayer, rest, and the ability to be available to bless others spontaneously. I think that multi-tasking is a great skill, but I have allowed it to be so much a part of how I function that I forget the importance of rest, silence, and stillness. I have a hunch that I'm not the only one who lives like this...

---I'm so blessed and so priveleged. I have choices. Choices are a result of privilege. I have decided to move out of my house and to relocate across town. Moving to Portland has been a great experience overall. However, living 30 min from school, 45 min from family, and 35 min from good friends, and 35 min from church has been taxing. I don't have enough good music in my car to make the distance worthwhile. (I'm kidding)...But really, I'm thankful that I have the ability to choose to change my situation. I'm thankful that I have the option of moving closer to school, friend, family, and church (essentially my community). I'm also incredibly blessed in that I have good friends and I have only been living in Portland for a few months. My honorary family, as well, lives here in Portland and has taken me in for the holidays (and cooked an INCREDIBLE meal!) and that feels great. Yesterday, on Thanksgiving morning, we started the day with a game of football, played Rummikub as a family, watched Miracle on 34th street (the old black and white version, which makes me feel all cozy), and ate a delicious meal! Football, games, old movies, great food and great people - it was my kind of holiday! :)

---Sometimes I take myself a bit too seriously. I have been trying to loosen up a bit and enjoy myself a little more, instead of worrying or being so caught up in "shoulds" and "coulds"....I'm trying to enjoy a bit more spontanaeity, adventure, rest, and craziness! It has been fun. I'm also playing a lot more. I played Wii for the first time the other day. I lost (barely) at boxing and tennis, but I came back and trampled my buddy in bowlng. I think that I'm a better virtual bowler than I am in reality. Now I just need to go bowling a bit more and remember all the skills that I'm learning on Wii.... haha.


Other thoughts...
-Its not as much fun to be a Mavericks fan when I don't live in Dallas. I miss watching the games with the fam...
-The weather really does affect my mood. I'm especially thankful for sunshine these days. I got pretty spoiled in Santa Barbara and even in Dallas since the sun shines so much there.
-Regularly traveling is a healthy thing for me. It helps me to appreciate where I live and engages a part of my soul that I really enjoy. I went to Seattle last weekend. I had a fabulous time with my friend, BrennA (http://brealrosey.blogspot.com/). We ate some incredible food, walked all over downtown and along the waterfront, explored the market, and went to see Ben Harper in concert. It was a delightful way to spend two days, and when I came home I appreciated Portland even more. It made me extra thankful for Portland and I was able to retrieve a freshness in the way that I see my life here.
-I have been thiking about this funny thing we call "dating." I am realizing that I compartmentalize this part of my life. I'm either totally unaware that I'm a 23 year-old single female, or I'm very aware of it. It is like a switch or a dual personality. I don't just let things be what they are. I compartmentalize everything. Perhaps it is a professional thing or a control thing, but I just have no fluidity with this area of my life. Here I am calling it an "area of my life"...do you see what I mean? It may not always be helpful to corner off my romantic life and keep it contained from the rest of my life until I'm ready to engage it. Life is life. Sometimes it involves romance and dating and sometimes it doesn't....but we can't completely control that and that's alright. Sometimes things just are.
-I also think that because I just wrote the above that some of my friends are now tempted to call me and ask if there is anyone new in my life. That makes me smile and chuckle.
-I have been much more open lately to not knowing what lies ahead for me in the future. I'm a lot more contented to enjoy the present and see what happens. I don't need to figure out what exactly I want to do with my Masters degree right now...I've only been in grad school for a couple of months...there is still time and I am interested and capable of a lot of things. No need to worry or stress. Just enjoy the education. :)


Those were a lot of thoughts. What are your thoughts as you read this?

A beautiful new place. Here I am...here am I....

I moved to Portland ten days ago. It has been a wonderful ten days. I have had many "only in Portland" moments that have delighted me. A few to share would be:
-hiking with my roomate, Jenni, in Forest Park. (a wonderous forest wilderness in downtown Portland!)
-driving over the Willamette River at night with the city twinkling and reflecting off the water
-spending time at Powell's City of Books, losing track of time amidst new and used books and buying bi-lingual Dr. Seuss books
-Pinot Noirs, Tillamook cheese, and marionberries...enough said.

My roomates are amazing. My house is quickly beginning to feel welcoming. I am getting to know the city. I am beginning a few friendships. I am spending time with old family friends. I am listening and seeking carefully in this season. Life is good. Really good.

Amidst all the excitement of getting used to this new "home" I have come to a few sobering realizations. First, I have realized that just because I want to be a person of a certain integrity and character doesn't mean that I actually am or that I will suddenly wake up to be able to make the right choices or set the right boundaries. Just because I want to be on time doesn't mean that I am actually succeeding at doing it. Just because I want to be more guarded in some of my conversations doesn't mean that I know how to do that well. And just because I want to live missionally and love incarnationally doesn't mean that I know how to live that way yet. So I have been failing and rethinking things and forgiving myself a lot. I am realizing how unwise and immature I am. I am realizing that relocation does not mean renovation of the heart. And I am realizing that the only cure for loneliness and wrestlessness is quality time in prayer. and that sometimes the times when we most need to pray are the times that it is the most difficult. I suppose that is why it is called "spiritual DISCIPLINE." I am coming to terms with how undisciplined I am and how in need of some discipline I can be.

All in all, these realizations make me thankful for grace - from God and from others. I am thankful that I believe in redemption, healing, and the start of a new day.