I think Solomon was onto something.

I've been reading the One Year Bible. In my case, however, it is more like the "Two Year Bible." I began on January 1, 2006, and I am currently reading the entry for July 22nd. Let us not forget, however, that the tortoise beat out the hare in the old fable by La Fontaine . . . I'm taking inspiration from that little guy. Slow digestion of the Bible has its benefits. :)

I have a special attachment to 1st and 2nd Samuel. When I read them in the early fall, I was overjoyed to return to fascinating narratives of these dynamic men. As of late, I have been reading 2nd Chronicles in the Old Testament and Romans in the New Testament. Until recently, I had never read the two Chronicles. Much to my surprise (and my delight!), they retell the stories of David and Solomon!

Yesterday, I read the passage where David gives the kingdom over to Solomon. Solomon receives a mighty kingdom - an immense amount of land, tremendous riches - and he rules over hundreds of thousands of people. Furthermore, he is the leader of God's chosen people. In the passage, God appears to Solomon. Solomon has pleased God, and he lets Solomon ask anything that he wants and God tells him he will give it to him. (Can you imagine!) Solomon, thankful for all that he has and overwhelmed with the responsibility that he faces, asks God for wisdom that he might rule Israel with godly wisdom.

What struck me when I was reading this passage is that I too am like Solomon. I have been entrusted with a lot. I am overwhelmed with the bountiful blessings God has bestowed upon me. I have been given not only plentiful material possessions, but I am also receiving a great education and have a lot of friends and peers that I encounter each day. Like Solomon, each of us has a sphere of influence. When he took account of all that he had been given, Solomon responded with thankfulness, humility, and a recognition of his shortcomings. He recognized that in his abundance he was in need.

It is true that when we have, we need. I have much, therefore, I am in need of God to humble me and make me wise. It would be a waste for Solomon to have all that he had and to lack wisdom in what to do with his kingdom.

the blog lives!... OR... an update of the last few weeks

Good news: My blog is not dead! I have taken a brief sejour from blogging, yes, but I am back again!

It has been an intense last few weeks. I had a pleasant time in Texas with family. I left Portland on Dec. 11th and returned to Texas for the first time since I moved. It was a great time with family. I feel like I had been holding my breath for the past few weeks in Portland (between moving apartments, writing papers, and some little bitty personal dramas)...and when I got to Texas, I just let my breath out. And slept. And slept. And watched way too much TV. It was luxurious. I had been really going hard and holding things together pretty well, but I just needed to let my guard down a bit and spend some quality time with family. My mother is such a restful presence in my life. She is refreshing to be around and I miss her dearly when I'm in Portland.

Time with my family began with a short trip to Lynchburg, VA. My step sister is a senior at a performing arts high school, where she performed the part of the Sugar Plum Fairy for Tschaikovsky's The Nutcraker. The performances were magical. The town of Lynchburg was less than magical. It bore signs of severe economic depression over the past few decades. You could tell that it was once a thriving railroad stop and small town. In addition, one cannot help but be struck by the very visible signs of a history heavy with racial oppression and division. The class difference between blacks and whites was shockingly rigid. Many of the places we ate at were patronized only by white townsters. All the high profile jobs seemed to be taken by whites whereas all the low-paying service jobs were done by black townsters. Racism is alive and well in America. And not just in Lynchburg. It is easy to stand in my white, upperclass shoes and be oblivious to how prevalent racial oppression is. We have come far, yes. Let us not forget, however, that we have a long, long way to go before we are free of racial oppression.

We returned to Dallas for a bit for some pre-Christmas shopping craziness. Jesus, save us from what has become of your birthday! It is so difficult to remember what exactly we are celebrating amidst all the gift-giving madness. It was a confusing Christmas.

Daniella and I took a brief trip to San Antonio to visit our dad and stepmom. I LOVE being in their house at Christmas. It really feels like home at Christmas time. They have a lovely house, but it truly feels like a home at Christmastime. We were blessed to be able to spend some time there, celebrating a very italian Christmas with my papa.

Returning to Dallas, we could finally relax a bit and not travel for a week or so. I was relieved and finally unpacked a suitcase. :) It felt good.

Some thoughts I've been having:
I think that your twenties are a time to learn about setting boundaries in your relationships. I am constantly learning about boundaries I have put up in my relationships that need to come down, and I also learn constantly about boundaries which I currently do not have which I need to develop so that I don't get walked all over and used.

Kids grow up way too fast. I am one of them.

What ever happened to dating? Is it too much to say "I'd like to take you out" instead of "We should hang out."? Call it mere sematics, but it makes a huge difference and shows a lot of maturity to be able to actually ask someone out. C'mon guys. Be clear. (Do any of you gals know what I'm talking about?)

Portland and Dallas really could not have more different American cultures. I am constantly in culture adjustment going back and forth being in relationships with Portlanders and Texans. Most of the time I love the challenge of jumping back and forth. I also grow more and more thankful for this new home I've made in Portland. It is a fitting place for me. It is a grand town with lovely people. And tall trees. Yessss!

I just finished reading Khaled Hosseini's two bestselling books (1. 'The Kite Runner' and 2. 'A Thousand Splendid Suns'). I have not had so much fun reading in a long time. The novels are heavy, to be sure, but I have been deeply blessed from journeying through the stories of men and women in Afghanistan through the artistically unique point of view Hosseini provides. I highly recommend picking up these books. And, PLEASE read the book before you see the movie. Trust me, you will be better for it.

I think I'm going to go back to Europe in a few months. At last! More on that later.

love is...

I want to share another quote that came up in class the other day. The topic of that day's class was "love." In an effort to define "love" my prof shared a bit of writing from a book called 'All About Love' (I think that it is by Bell-Hooks.).

What do you think of this definition of love? Keep in mind this is a definition given at my enormous liberal state university. Pretty interesting...

Love is..
"..The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or anothers [appropriate] spiritual growth."

I added the word "appropriate" because I think that we can get into trouble when we assume that love looks similarly for all people. Also, the definition is not exclusively Christian, which makes it interesting. Are we talking about spiritual growth toward whatever god that person esteems or does "spiritual growth" in this case necessarily mean encouraging someone toward a thriving communion with Jesus?

I have been stewing over this lately..
What do you think? leave a comment if you'd like. :)

some thoughts I've been having

I haven't been blogging as much lately for a few reasons. One reason is that my thoughts are in so many different places, it would be difficult to write a cohesive blog. Another reason is that I have been incredibly busy and blogging has not been much of a priority. However, who is to say that I have to write a cohesive blog?

Some thoughts I have been having:

---I need to make an effort to slow down. How did I allow myself to get so busy? I am realizing that I am a bit too optimistic about how much I can handle. I have a great deal of faith in my ability to do a thousand things at once. To be sure, I'm good at it...BUT I'm not sure that it is good for me. There's the catch. I'm great at multi-taskin. However, I think that often my multitasking skills are keeping me from the important parts of this journey with Jesus, namely meditation, silence, prayer, rest, and the ability to be available to bless others spontaneously. I think that multi-tasking is a great skill, but I have allowed it to be so much a part of how I function that I forget the importance of rest, silence, and stillness. I have a hunch that I'm not the only one who lives like this...

---I'm so blessed and so priveleged. I have choices. Choices are a result of privilege. I have decided to move out of my house and to relocate across town. Moving to Portland has been a great experience overall. However, living 30 min from school, 45 min from family, and 35 min from good friends, and 35 min from church has been taxing. I don't have enough good music in my car to make the distance worthwhile. (I'm kidding)...But really, I'm thankful that I have the ability to choose to change my situation. I'm thankful that I have the option of moving closer to school, friend, family, and church (essentially my community). I'm also incredibly blessed in that I have good friends and I have only been living in Portland for a few months. My honorary family, as well, lives here in Portland and has taken me in for the holidays (and cooked an INCREDIBLE meal!) and that feels great. Yesterday, on Thanksgiving morning, we started the day with a game of football, played Rummikub as a family, watched Miracle on 34th street (the old black and white version, which makes me feel all cozy), and ate a delicious meal! Football, games, old movies, great food and great people - it was my kind of holiday! :)

---Sometimes I take myself a bit too seriously. I have been trying to loosen up a bit and enjoy myself a little more, instead of worrying or being so caught up in "shoulds" and "coulds"....I'm trying to enjoy a bit more spontanaeity, adventure, rest, and craziness! It has been fun. I'm also playing a lot more. I played Wii for the first time the other day. I lost (barely) at boxing and tennis, but I came back and trampled my buddy in bowlng. I think that I'm a better virtual bowler than I am in reality. Now I just need to go bowling a bit more and remember all the skills that I'm learning on Wii.... haha.


Other thoughts...
-Its not as much fun to be a Mavericks fan when I don't live in Dallas. I miss watching the games with the fam...
-The weather really does affect my mood. I'm especially thankful for sunshine these days. I got pretty spoiled in Santa Barbara and even in Dallas since the sun shines so much there.
-Regularly traveling is a healthy thing for me. It helps me to appreciate where I live and engages a part of my soul that I really enjoy. I went to Seattle last weekend. I had a fabulous time with my friend, BrennA (http://brealrosey.blogspot.com/). We ate some incredible food, walked all over downtown and along the waterfront, explored the market, and went to see Ben Harper in concert. It was a delightful way to spend two days, and when I came home I appreciated Portland even more. It made me extra thankful for Portland and I was able to retrieve a freshness in the way that I see my life here.
-I have been thiking about this funny thing we call "dating." I am realizing that I compartmentalize this part of my life. I'm either totally unaware that I'm a 23 year-old single female, or I'm very aware of it. It is like a switch or a dual personality. I don't just let things be what they are. I compartmentalize everything. Perhaps it is a professional thing or a control thing, but I just have no fluidity with this area of my life. Here I am calling it an "area of my life"...do you see what I mean? It may not always be helpful to corner off my romantic life and keep it contained from the rest of my life until I'm ready to engage it. Life is life. Sometimes it involves romance and dating and sometimes it doesn't....but we can't completely control that and that's alright. Sometimes things just are.
-I also think that because I just wrote the above that some of my friends are now tempted to call me and ask if there is anyone new in my life. That makes me smile and chuckle.
-I have been much more open lately to not knowing what lies ahead for me in the future. I'm a lot more contented to enjoy the present and see what happens. I don't need to figure out what exactly I want to do with my Masters degree right now...I've only been in grad school for a couple of months...there is still time and I am interested and capable of a lot of things. No need to worry or stress. Just enjoy the education. :)


Those were a lot of thoughts. What are your thoughts as you read this?

Forgiveness

A quote that was brought up in one of my classes today:

"Forgivness is letting someone into your heart that you wouldn't necessarily let into your home."

Do you belive there is some truth to this?
Have you ever had to forgive in this way?

Sometimes perhaps we choose to forgive even when it would be unwise to enter back into relationship with someone. We do not invite them back into our lives, but we do forgive the past and wish them a pleasant fulture to the best of our ability.

Something I'm marinating on. I would be interested to know what other people think....

these are a few of my favorite things

A quick list of some of my favorite experiences over the last couple of weeks:

1. Watching the world series with Christine and Gregory, while drinking a "Hot Tamale" (Beer with REAL chili peppers in it! Sssss!!!!)

2. Planning an imaginary world-traveling caravan of CR Master's Students with my new PSU friends, Dimitri and Mindy. Dimitri believes that it will actually happen. Mindy and I contend that we will only go on this caravan if in fact it travels on camelback through North Africa... In all seriousness, thinking about returning to "far away" and seeing new sights in exotic places is bewitching. Sometimes I refuse to let my thoughts go there.

3. Playing in the autumn leaves with Christine! Autumn is the season of the year I cherish most.

4. Celebrating Brandi's birthday with crepes and a movie. I had a crepe with feta, field greens, basil pesto, tomato, and mozzarella! Yummmm.... If I can't be in France, it's the best way to go! We saw 'Dan in Real Life' and I think I laughed from the first line to the last. The characters were hilarious.

5. David Crowder/Phil wickham concert! The Crystal Ballroom is the kind of venue that I appreciate most. It has an antique feel from the bubble-shaped lights around the windows. Plus, the ballroom floor, which is on the second story, bounces up and down!

6. Visiting the Evergreen community last weekend. It felt like home in a refreshing way, and yet was very particularly Portland. I want to get to know them better. I think they are the group of people I've been looking for.

7. Learning to appreciate both the soggy days and the sunny days. Seeing sunsets for a few days has been invigorating. I have had a difficult time not seeing the sun or the moon for a couple of weeks. I rather enjoy the rain...just not every day. I suppose I'm not an Oregonian yet. Perhaps someday I will feel differently.

Half of what?

In the morning as I am pouring myself a cup of coffee, as my thoughts begin to become cohesive, I mix in a little creamer to make my coffe facy and yummy. Over the last week or so, in the middle of this process I ask myself this question: How is it possible that Half and Half be fat free? I thought "half and half" meant half cream, half milk... am I wrong here? This is the great mystery of my mornings...

[Have you seen it in the grocery store or used it? Did it only recently come on the market?]

This morning, I checked the label. "Ingredients: Nonfat milk, milk*, corn syrup solids, artificial color**, sugar, dipotassium phosphate, sodium citrate, mono and diglycerides*, carageenan, natural and artifical flavors, vitamin A palmitate.

*Adds a trivial amount of fat

**An ingreadient not normally found in half and half."

Hmmm....all of those -ates and -ides. and-- artificial colors are kinda strange. Its kind of like those Olean chips that came out a few years ago. Everyone was excited that the chips had less fat or something...then they read the label and realized that they contained bizarre ingredients with unfortunate side effects. Maybe we want our good ole reliable fat back again...

As I am reading the label, since I have not yet consumed said coffee, my brain is not able to figure out deep mysteries of the universe such as these, and I sort of grunt, return the half and half to the fridge and finish cooking my egg and toast. MMMMmmmmm....

There is beauty in this: responding to disappointment with humitily and grace

I forgot my best friend, Kate's, birthday last week. Have you ever done that? It feels awful. In this case, however, there were some surprises and delights.

I had been in the middle of a very stressful conflict with someone else in my life. In need of her support and honest criticism, I called my dear friend, Kate, several times during the week. We had some conversations that were deeply beneficial to me in understanding how to respond to this particular person in a gracious and appropriate way. On Friday (my friend's birthday) I was driving alone through rush hour traffic, felt overwhelmed with the conflict, and knew that I needed a friend in that moment. I called Kate and we talked for a few minutes, but she was running out the door. The next day, when I called to finish our conversation, I asked her what she had done the night before. "Some people took me out for ice cream because yesterday was my birthday."

It felt like my breath had been knocked out of my chest. I had no words.

I hope that I never forget how she responded. What a woman she is! [Gentlemen, she's single!]

She told me that it did not matter that I had not remembered her birthday. I, of course, thought she was full of it, and protested. But, she said, the greatest present a friend can receive is to know that she is truly considered a friend. When I was in need, when I needed someone whom I could trust and whom I knew truly cared for me and knew me, it was her. And besides, she said, she had practically forgotten my birthdays for the past 2 years (I know...it's something we will both try to work on).

What struck me about this was what she did not say, and how well I knew that she meant what she did say. In the context of our relationship, her birthday was about my needs on that day. Birthdays are a huge deal in my family, and I was, in a way, brought up to expect them to be all about me. I am still trying to detox myself from extravagant birthday expectations now that I am in my twenties. I think Kate grew up much the same way. Still, we have an unstated understanding that were the situation reversed, I would gladly spend my birthday on the phone with her if she needed me.

The sacrifice and selflessness required of a deep and true friendship is a beautiful thing. What a beautiful friend I have! and what a beautiful friendship we share that she can confidently know that I love her based on all the ways we care for one another every other day of the year.

I hope to remember the humility and selflessness with which Kate saw this situation. There will be future disappointments of this kind in my life and I want to reflect the kind of godliness and beauty that Kate does when my turn comes up. I tend to have HUGE expectations for just about everything and then I get disappointed. I think that how we deal with disappointment tells a lot about our character. It's easy to act like a big baby when we are disappointed. When we are disappointed, I think it is necessary to back up and examine the broader picture of what is going on. Kate knew that last friday was not only her birthday, but that it was a tough day for me. I'm thankful that I have good examples of what it means to respond to disappointment with character and perspective. Now I don't really have an excuse for acting like a baby when I'm disappointed. :) Thanks Kate! haha.

for love's sake

I have been encountering some beautiful words and some beautiful music lately.

Thursday evening, I had the good fortune to be able to attend the Remedy Tour, and was able to hear both Phil Wickham and David Crowder Band. Good music is refreshing to the soul like cool water poured over the senses. It was a great night. I would go see them again tomorrow night if I were given the chance. I cannot believe that Phil is only 21 years old. He's one of those people who make me anxious to discover more of my giftings and to live into them more. I both delight and grow restless being in the presence of people like that. :)

I am reading Desmund Tutu's "No Future Without Forgiveness" detailing the reconciliation process in post-apartheid South Africa. I'm reading in Palio, a local coffee shop with delightfully large windows that allow me to observe this soggy Portland day. There are some trees outside ablaze with the feeling of autumn. It is a good day.

But about the book...it has nearly brought me to tears (of joy) as I read about the amazing forgiveness that people have offered after such atrocities to their loved ones. Tutu's is a crafty wordsmith, and I have been enjoying his skill with language. I would like to share some of the beautiful things that he has said that have made an impression on me:

"In this theology, we can never give up on anyone because our God was one who had a particularly soft spot for sinners. The Good Shepherd in the parable Jesus told had been quite ready to leave ninety--nine perfectly well-behaved sheep in the wilderness to look for, not an attractive, flufy little lamb - flufy little lambs do no usually stray from their mummies - but for the troublesome, obstreperous old ram. This was the one on which the Good Shepherd expended so much energy. When he found it, it is highly unlikely to have had beautiful fleece. It would have almost certainly have been thoroughly bedraggled and perhaps fallen into a ditch of dirty water and was thus smelling to high heaven. That was the sheep the Good Shepherd had gone after, and when he found it he did not pinch his nostrils in disgust. No, he took it and placed it gently on his shoulders and returned home to throw a party because he had found this lost one. And Jesus says there is GREATER joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine needing no repentence."

"God loves me as I am to help me become all that I have it in me to become, and when I realize the deep love God has for me, I will strive for love's sade to do what pleases my Lover. Those who think this opens the door for moral laxity have obviously never been in love, for love is much more demanding than law."

At the concert, David Crowder said something beautifully profound that I think is a lot of what Tutu is writing about. He said, "If we [Christians] can only live like we sing, the world will surely be a better place." Amen. Let it be so.

embodied: its what's on the inside that counts

art
I had an experience last night that gave me such great joy and a childlike fascination as I reflected over it today. I can honestly say that today was made sufficiently more enjoyable by last night's adventures.

Yesterday, after I spent a good portion of the day on the couch reading for class and sampling all our teas, I decided that I would have a little adventure. I heard that there was an exhibit at the OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry) that was not to be missed. I phoned one of my new Portland friends and we made a midnight visit to see Bodyworlds 3. The exhibit contains actual deceased people's bodies that have been preserved using a process called Plastination. It was obvious that a group of people with significant artistic vision designed the exhibit. Each body was placed in such wonderously beautiful poses, depicting the wonderous strength and originality of the human system. The exhibit was open 24-hrs/day this weekend, so people can come see an exhibit featuring dead people into the wee hours of the night! ...creepy! The intricacy with which the human body has been designed and constructed was stunning. Viewing these muscular forms, I realized how seldom I think about what goes on under the skin. These people were not textbook photos, they were actual living beings at one time, now posing in front of me so artfully, some doing actions that I do, their muscles and tissues in full view. I cannot believe how well we are made. It all fits together so tightly in this compact package of our bodies. The bones provide structure, the tissue cushiones the bones, the muscles provide strength for movement, the nervous system gives the commands...It works so well.

I drove to worship this morning with visions of these bodies in my head. And it hit me all of a sudden - this joy and beauty - that the Creator of the earth and the stars, the heavens and the skies, He took on this form. I thought about all the muscles and the organs. God. God who fashioned humans from his very Words saw our need and took on the form of a human to redeem us. God who created our bodies to feel pain and pleasure, He left the comfort of the heavens to embody himself in the person of Jesus. I thought about the embryos in the exhibit, and it stuns me that this wonderful God took the form of a peanut-sized embryo in the belly of a virgin. He put on flesh and dwelt on the earth in bodily form. I cannot fathom it. The human body seems to me infinitely more beautiful in light of this reality.

This morning's sermon was about Genesis 1. God took seven days to create the earth. He took 9 months to come out of the womb. He went through infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. God was present in the process. God was a part of the process.

I feel both soothed and stoked to think of God undergoing the human processes of birth and life. He took his time. He felt it all. He identifies. He sees us. He loves us. He has redeemed us through the body he created and embodied and raised from the dead. Amazing.

We truly are fearfully and wonderfully made.