Birthdays, church, and the cutest baby ever...OR the little big decisions

Yesterday we celebrated Claire's 8th birthday. Claire is my 7year-old - wait! I mean eight year-old - step sister. My mother married her dad last summer. Its kind of like the Brady Bunch, but without all the bell-bottoms and we don't have any brothers. Just 4 sisters: Dominique(23) and Daniella(21), and Sarah(17) and Claire(8). We had the family over for a celebration. It was a small gathering, but it was a big deal. Daniella was "Duchess of Decorations" and she spent upwards of 3 hours turning our house into a birthday extravaganza! Did I mention that there was a 6FT TALL INFLATABLE BIRTHDAY CAKE? yeah. it was sweet.


The scheduling of the party worked out just "perfectly" to where everyone was coming over right as I would normally be heading to the Den (my worship community, call it church if you prefer). A bunch of people were going to be out of town, and a bunch of people were just getting in town and would be there. I look forward to the Den every weekend and felt really torn about leaving the party early or missing the Den. The thought of not helping the Den team when a lot of people wouldn't be there to help wasn't very pleasant. And the thought of not seeing Claire blow out the candles broke my heart.

As you can see from these delightful photographs, I stayed for the party. Honestly, I kind of got seduced by my cousin, Will. He's irresistible. Especially to a photographer. :)


But more than that, I just couldn't reconcile not being around for Claire. She probably wouldn't have really cared or noticed if I had slipped out, but I would have known. Sometimes its those little big things that are hard in life. The little big decisions are the toughest thing for me these days because they have to do with priorities, time, and boundaries. Does it ever get easier to decide how to prioritize and spend one's time? Older people tell me that it only gets harder. That's encouraging! :) But, at least I have these awesome photos of Will to distract me from that prediction...

sleepiness

I really want to update my blog right now, but I'm too sleepy to write anything cohesive.
One exciting thing though: I had the most bizarre experience walking in my sleep last night! I don't think that I have ever sleepwalked before, so it really took me off guard! My sister is home and we are sharing a room and I gave her quite a scare when I jerked open the curtains in the middle of the night and couldn't answer her when she asked me what I was doing. I groggily decided to go the other direction to the bathroom, but it took me a while. I had some wild and bizarre dreams last night.

Off I go to bed...for another adventure.

the image and the visionary

Yesterday I had one of the most intellectually stimulating days I have had in a long time. It was a rich blessing!

I spent the afternoon with my friend, Alina, visiting the Trammell & Margaret Crow Asian Art Collection. To my delight, admission was free and the collection was beautiful. The true reason for our visit, however, was to see their current exhibit. A friend of mine who is a "starving artist" here in Dallas told me that it was "mind blowing!" and that I should make a point to view the exhibit.

He was right. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. The exhibit was by a Korean artist, U-Ram Choe, and it was called "New Media from Seoul." The exhibit was a robotic sculpture collection that depicted fictional creatures that the artist claimed dwell in today's urban cities. His vision was very unique and I found it a little futuristic for my taste, but I really admired his originality and the incredible expertise with which he utilized art, engineering, anthropology, biology, philosophy, and communication. The creatures had a curious and serene nature to them and it was soothing to be in their presence.

We happened upon a lecture led by the museum's director and I was given a quote to think about in the context of the exhibit:
"Art is a technique of communication. The image is the most complete technique of all communication." - Claes Oldenburg

Being in the midst of this artistic fantasy, I began to chew on the role the image plays in communication, especially in art. A lot of art is non-verbal (sculpture, painting...) and a lot of art is strictly verbal (poetry, prose...). Oftentimes I have a vision of something I want to communicate to someone else. I will need them to "get on board" with what I'm invisioning. It usually happens that my wordy explanations of my vision only get us so far. It is when they see it with their own eyes, when they can see, touch, taste, smell, and hear the sounds of the vision that they truly have that "aha!" moment and can say "This is great. Now I know what you were trying to show me!" The director explained that U-Ram Choe's exhibit would have been confusing were the verbal explanations not there. I was thinking of the artist, having a vision, writing about these creatures, and feeling alone in his vision until the image was materially created. Then, once others had the image with its movement and harmony, they would then begin to dip their toe into the pond of his fantasy. The image is the completion of the communication. On its own, it may be lacking. But I have realized lately that a communicator without an image to help the audience can be a lonely visionary.

St. Augustine said, "I can point the finger, but I cannot supply the vision." I often feel like I am pointing my finger for an audience, but I am unable to supply the vision. The audience must catch the vision on their own. And often the person pointing the finger can feel very estranged from the audience because she cannot supply the vision. She can only do so much.

Can you believe the Bible?

How incredible is Jesus!? I have nothing to add to this passage but to share it with you and let God blow you away. This is from the Living Bible. Before you read this, pray that God would let you hear it anew.


"In the beginning the Word already existed. He was with God, and he was God. He was in the beginning with God. He created everything there is. Nothing exists that he didn't make. Life itself was in him and this life gives light to everyone.

The light shines through the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.

God sent John the Baptist to tell everyone about the light so that everyone might believe because of his testimony. John himself was not the light; he was only a witness to the light. The one who is the true light, who gives light to everyone, was going to come into the world. But although the world was made through him, the world didn't recognize him when he came. Even in his own land and among his own people, he was not accepted.

But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn!

This is not a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan - this rebirth comes from God.

So the Word became human and lived here on earth among us.

He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness.

And we have seen his glory, the glory of the only Son of the Father.

John pointed him out to the people. He shouted to the crowds, "This is the one I was talking about when I said, 'Someone is coming who is far greater than I am, for he existed long before I did.'" We have benefited from the rich blessings he brought to us - one gracious blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; God's unfailing love and faithfulness came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God. But his only Son who is himself God, is near to the Father's heart; he has told us about him.

This was the testimony of John when the Jewish leaders sent priests and Temple assistants from Jerusalem to ask John whether he claimed to be the Messiah. He flatly denied it. "I am not the Messiah," he said.
"Well, then, who are you?" they asked. "Are you Elijah?"
"No," he replied.
"Are you the Prophet?"
"No."
"Then who are you? Tell us, so we can give an answer to those who sent us. What do you have to say about yourself?"

John replied in the words of Isaiah: "I am a voice shouting in the wilderness, 'Prepare a straight pathway for the Lord's coming!'"

Then those who were sent by the Pharisees asked him, "If you aren't the Messiah or Elijah or the Prophet, what right do you have to baptize?"

John told them, "I baptize with water, but right here in the crowd is someone you do not know, who will soon begin his ministry. I am not even worthy to be his slave." This incident took place at Bethany, a village east of the Jordan River, where John was baptizing."

(John 1:1-28)

Europe was.

A link to a short and amazing video:
http://www.dom268.com/movies/cai.mov

Psalm 23 Remix

I have been praying the twenty-third psalm lately, whenever I feel myself growing overwhelmed. The psalms are often helpful to guide me in prayer. For a long time, I have steered clear of this one because I have heard it so much that I think I have taken it for granted. It's popular, however, because it's a good one!

I have thought about changing the word "shepherd" to "keeper" but I think that the word "sheperd" is so accurate to describe the guarding, loving, providing nature of God. It is good to know that someone is shepherding me when I feel a bit confused or alone.


Psalm 23 - Remix

The Lord is My Shepherd
He is all I will ever really need.
at every moment. of every day. even when I am blinded by my own selfish desires.

He gives rest to me amidst the turbulence of my emotions
and self-addiction.
He refreshes me with His presence
He restores my soul

He guides me toward truth and purity
for His own sake
that others might know how good He is.

Even when I am in the midst of hardship
I don't have to worry or fear
for You are always with me
your open arms and soft, encouraging voice,
they comfort me.

You lavish me with your love and goodness
even when I am in the midst of those who dislike me.
You bestow upon me your favor and annoint me to show your love to my neighbors,
I am overflowing with all that you give me.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days that you allow me to live,
and I will abide in God, my Father,
forever.

do this in memory of me.

About a week ago I was traveling and I visited a church with a friend. It was communion sunday, and after the band led the congregation in a few songs, a man came up on the "stage" and said a few words about what communion meant to him. He used the analogy of a Thanksgiving dinner where family all come and gather around the table because they love each other and they are celebrating. I thought that this analogy was a great image to paint especially considering the season and the general feelings of unity and community that the image of Thanksgiving dinner brings to mind for most Americans. After this really nice explanation, he let the congregation know that communion was to be received at the various stations around the church.

The band continued to play as people got up one-by-one to walk to the back of the church. I didn't even notice that it was time to receive communion until my friend got up. I followed her and got in line. Something just didn't seem right though. In fact, many things didn't seems right. I watched as people came away from the table. They were carrying what looked like little shot glasses of grape juice and pellets of bread. I've gone to church most of my life, but I had new eyes to see this particular Sunday that the celebration of communion in today's churches is lacking. How could is the Church of today reflecting the community of faith I read about in the Bible?

The first celebration of communion was Jesus' breaking of bread and sharing wine with his disciples on the night that he was betrayed. When I read the passage of the Bible in the book of Luke where Jesus and the disciples celebrate the Passover meal, it seems to me shockingly different than the way we today, as the Church, celebrate communion. We have reduced it to an impersonal, sterile, individualized ritual that poorly reflects the meal it is designed to remind us of. Jesus washed the disciples feet (humbled himself before them and invited them into a deeper friendship with him). Jesus assured Peter, "Unless I wash you, Peter, you can have no part in me." The meal that they shared served as a symbol and a milestone for what was to come. The celebration at the Last Supper vividly showed the humble servant that Jesus was - so much so that it made Peter uncomfortable. It was an interpersonal celebration. It was a communal celebration.

Halfway down the isle, I turned and walked back to my seat. I just couldn't do it. Tears flooding out of my eyes, I sat back down and prayed. For that church. For the Church. In repentance for how I have allowed myself to celebrate communion while not knowing my brothers and sisters around me. How communion for me has become more about me and Jesus and less about washing the feet of those around me. I repent of how I so easily forget the humble, interpersonal savior that I share with the Church around me and how I often don't make room in my life to celebrate with them what he has done for us.

smoothing the stones, an introduction

Last spring I was walking along the beach in Summerland with a dear friend. It had been a really difficult week - spiritually, academically, emotionally - and I needed a good friend to walk and pray with. The sound of the water and our quiet prayers soothed my turbulent emotions. How good it is to have dear friends to walk beside us when the day is messy and confusing! In a moment of silence, I felt an almost uncontrollable urge to pick up stones off the shore. So I did. Five of them. One for each of my friends that I was praying for. Then, the most beautiful thing happened. I heard a voice speak deep into my heart saying, "I will make you like these stones. Once they were jagged and rough, but because of the constant waves washing over them, they are smooth. They reflect the transformative power of the waves. So you five will be a reflection of Me." And then an intoxicating feeling of peace and thankfulness flooded my insides.

I chose "smoothing the stones" as the title for my blog because it is a significant and defining moment for me and because I hope to live out the experience in my life. I believe that I will. And I hope that this space for writing will allow me to further explore thoughts and feelings I have and to allow them to be smoothed. To allow them to be tranformed to reflect the beauty of God. I have quite a few rough edges that still need smoothing. In fact, it is my hope that I do not let my own insecure fear of disapproval keep me from writing truth when it might be risky. Frederich Buechener said, "If the truth is worth telling, it is worth making a fool of yourself to tell." May I make a fool of myself here before I skirt the truth.

If you are reading this blog, I hope that it blesses you, perhaps challenges you, and, most of all, brings you into conversation with me about what I have written. I believe that true transformation in the world depends on small, interpersonal conversations and people entering into those conversations with a willingness to be transformed. If anyone reads this, may your words transform me as you respond to my writing.